Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
