you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am one with the molecules
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
