hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
