I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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