God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
