i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
