holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
