i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
