last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
