If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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