You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
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