goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
