ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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