At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
