Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
