have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
