Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
