I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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