Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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