just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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