The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
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Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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