I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
