...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
