Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
