i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
