So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
