Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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