we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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