So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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