You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
