who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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