it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
