Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
