I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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