She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
