just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
