Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
