when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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