I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
