if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize