I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
