Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
