So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
