fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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