You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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