My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Less talking, more tequila
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
