I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
