I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
