the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
