taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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