It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
