Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
