oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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