I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If I die, sorry about rent.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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