imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
