Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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