everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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