remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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