chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
