my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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