I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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