OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
