Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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