I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
