You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
