I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
