I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
