i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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