My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
