I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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