I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
