I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
