do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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