Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
