whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
