She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
