Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
