GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
