i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
