Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
