At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
