I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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