Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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