Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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