did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
