I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
