google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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